the calm before the storm...

Disclaimer:
I took an email update sent to family and removed any personal information/names from it for privacy.

Hi guys...I already sent mom an email so you probably already know,
I'm sure I've freaked her out thoroughly. :( I feel bad on top of
everything that now we can't have anyone over anymore and we will have
to sterilize our clothes, backpacks, and anything else we take with us
if we visit and let you have some peace of mind about us visiting.
Its definite now. We have a bedbug infestation. Don't worry about
you having caught them from us or anything, they don't travel on human
beings and they hide during the day. The will only hide in or close
to the bed that we sleep in, so there shouldn't be any reason why
anyone but us has them right now. The exterminators are coming on
thursday. I've slept a few hours in the past couple of nights since
when I saw the first bug dead on the sticky glue traps we had had by
our bed posts. At first I almost went into shock, sort of like when
you think you've forgotten a paper that you need to turn in to pass a
class, I felt that awful sick feeling and didn't eat a THING for hours
because I constantly thought I might throw up. Now I just feel
constantly depressed. We went out and spent almost 300$ on bed bug
proof bedding encasements. Our pillows, boxspring, mattress and all
are all covered with this vinyl type material (which isn't helping me
sleep any...my head feels like its slipping off the pillow) and our
bed is sitting on just a plain metal frame (we took apart the bed,
vacumed it, and set it away from our bed in case there are any bugs
hiding in it somehow. Then we put the frame on bed risers coated with
double sided sticky tape. Then we put the risers in a pan of water
because the bugs can't swim....which is true from our experience so
far. We've been doing load after load of laundry. From when I come
home from work I've been doing laundry until about 9, and running the
vacuum also. We've done at least 10 loads in the dryer (the dryer
heat will kill any bugs) and there's a lot more to do. Once stuff is
sterilized we've been putting it into garbage bags and then into
rubbermaid bins and stacking it all in the living room. We are
clearing out our entire closet and dressers contents and sterilizing
them before the exterminators come on thursday so that we can put
everything back after they treat it with stuff.

I know things could always be worse but its so hard to think of things
that are worse when I can't even get my head around this. Our bed
will have to be like this for a year because they can go that long
without biting. You guys won't be able to come down and visit for at
least a year. Our puppy will have to sleep every night in our kitchen
for the next year because I don't want it getting bitten or becoming a
host to the bed bugs. We won't have full peace of mind about it for a
year. I haven't been sleeping well so I feel exhausted on top of
feeling still sickened and depressed. To top it all off, despite going
to bed thinking of pleasant thoughts, I have had 2 nightmares each
night about BUGS crawling on me. This afternoon I noticed 2 new welts
on my one arm, which is just great right? and so when I got home I
flipped the sheets up and checked the bed for bugs. I didn't find any
but now I'm afraid there might be some that somehow got in the bed
after we "bug proofed" it and so now to ease my conscience I'm going
to gather up all the blankets and sheets and doing more laundry. I
feel like we're bearing this secret burden that nobody else knows
about or could share sympathy with us because its so disgusting and we
can't tell anyone about it. I wish we could just move away but that
wouldn't make any sense because the bed bugs would likely somehow go
with us. Unless of course we sold everything we had and started fresh
with nothing. And many people who have had infestations they couldn't
control have done just that, from what I've read online on solutions
for getting rid of the problem.

I had started feeling better after we "bug proofed" the bed but now
that I have the 2 new bites 2 days after we did it, I know that they
could be old, or they could be fresh. I feel creepy crawly just
thinking about it. I kept waking up last night every hour or so
afraid that something had just bit me or I had felt something crawl
across my skin. I'm so weary of this already and its only been the
first 2 days. I read online that some bites take 2-3 days to show up
but how would I know if they were old or new. I'll just have to wash
everythign on the bed, lift up the mattress and check underneath,
check the boxsprings, etc and try to make sure nothing is crawling
around. Its so frustrating because they can start out so small that
you really can't see them, so even checking won't make me totally feel
better. May be I should just go sleep in the car for the next few
nights...oh wait, I live in a city.

Sorry if this whole email grossed you out. But in case you were
wondering why I haven't written an email for a while, and probably
won't be writing another one for a while, this is why.
I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel of this one. I don't
understand what purpose this has for our lives right now and I can't
see the good God is going to bring out of it, and don't know how to
try yet. I just feel like crying all the time, but I can't. I'm too
numb.